Edison's dramatic arrival... finally in writing

I actually made it back in a timely manner, gasp! Will it become a regular habit? Will I have anything worth while to say? Will people care? Stay tuned I guess and we'll find out.

I have yet to decide if I want to go into the detailed version (okay.. quasi detailed version) of the last however many months. I'm fairly certain the only people that read this already know most of what happened. I suppose for my own benefit I might write it down somewhere before I forget the details.

Here goes nothing! (grab a drink and a snack... this is going to be a long one.)

As I mentioned back in... May? I was shocked to find out that I had indeed managed to get pregnant even though multiple ultrasounds and bloodwork said it wasn't going to happen. Just goes to show you never know what is in store for you and miraculous things can happen. So obviously I was elated. Given there is a 50% chance of miscarriage when you conceive using the fertility medication clomid, we decided to keep this one hush hush until the magical 12 week mark. The husband started telling a few people practically right away. I managed to hold off, with a few exceptions, until just a few days before the appointment. What can I say, I'm a sucker when I get around my sorority sisters and since one of them got married and everyone congregated I couldn't help but tell a few people.

Everything was going well and I was happy. I love being pregnant. I was petrified of getting pre-eclampsia again since I had it with Lilly but I was hopeful I would not fall into that 10-20% of women that do get it with a subsequent pregnancy. I wasn't gaining much weight at all, and I wasn't in maternity clothes until 24 weeks when I finally started to just on principle. I did notice at 22 weeks that my feet and ankles were a little swollen but thought it was okay and possibly normal to swell a little that early on. At 2o weeks we had also found out were were having a boy. It was pretty unmistakable. The stubborn little guy wouldn't let the tech get a look at his face so they said at my 24 week check I would have another ultrasound to check for cleft palate and stuff. Another $50 but another chance to see him so alright.

At my 24 week appointment it started. I gained 10 pounds in the month (after only gaining a total of 5 for the whole previous 4). crap. My legs and hands and feet AND face were swollen. double crap. The proteins were still okay and my blood pressure was only on a small rise. The doctor got this worried look and told me I just needed to make it to 30 weeks. Just get to 30 weeks. No pregnant woman sitting in the office at her 24 week appointment wants to hear that. It was only 6 weeks away. For now I was still in the clear but needed to take it easy and be watched more closely. I started going in every 2 weeks instead of every 4. oh, and still pretty apparently a boy :)

At 26 weeks things were no better. Another 10 pound gain, eek. Blood pressure still in normal ranges. So back in another 2. I had my glucose test and thankfully that came back fine. At 29 weeks everything went ridiculously downhill. The blood pressure SPIKED. I had proteins in the urine and alas, more weight gain.. although minimal this time. I wasn't even seeing my doctor, just a nurse practitioner. Now... you know you're screwed when the nurse practitioner has to bring in a doctor to take a look and deliver the bad news. He wanted to do a 24 hour urine culture at home and did a pre-eclamptic panel blood draw. I came back the next day and saw my doctor again. Bad news... proteins were high, blood pressure was high, but the panel was still okay. (at least my liver wasn't going to blow up). I was put on bed rest at home and was to go in the next day and day after for steroid shots and a non stress test.

On Wednesday at exactly 30 weeks I had Paco take a picture of me. I hadn't taken a single posed pregnancy picture yet and since the Dr. said I just needed to make it to 30 weeks I wanted a picture to document that I actually made it! Little did I know it would be my ONLY pregnancy picture. The next day at 30 weeks and 1 day I went back for another non stress test. That was it. I went upstairs and my doctor said I was going to the hospital. Blood pressure was 160/109. proteins were in the thousands. Worst of all, the baby was nonreactive. Now let me tell you.. even though you can feel the baby kick hearing NONREACTIVE kindof freaks you out, in a ... what the hell does that mean? what is wrong with him? is he okay?, kind of way. He was okay but just not having heart level increases like he was supposed to. I suppose I knew. I had noticed less movement and softer jabs. So I was off to the hospital (after imploring I get to go home first and make up a bag to take with me). Afterall, I thought I was going for bed rest. The Dr. gave me a best case scenario of a 34 weeks delivery and a worst case of delivering in a week.

I got to the hospital, checked in, got in a gown (ew... I can only imagine a month of bedrest in a gown. And it would have been strict bedrest, only up for bathroom breaks, IN A GOWN). Anyway, the nurse came in and checked on me and got me set up with the monitors for contractions (HA!) and heart tones. So... I have still not to this day really experienced a contraction. I don't even make it to the braxton hicks contraction mark. sad.

Things got kindof crazy then. I was admitted around 3 and it took until 6:30 for them to get an ultrasound. They wanted to check his size and whatnot. They came back in to draw blood. Then they came back in to really monitor me. Apparently things weren't going too well for the little guy and the Dr. said I shouldn't keep it out of my mind that I would deliver that night. WHAT?!?!?!? He was still non reactive and they wanted to see him do something before they would let me just rest. I will point out I hadn't really eaten since breakfast and was famished. They let me have something to eat in hopes of getting him to respond and wanted to do another ultrasound that measured his likelihood of survival if he was delivered right away. Luckily he passed that test with flying colors. They checked for "practice breaths", movement, and 'rolling' movement where he would rotate instead of just kick or something. I was also fortunate that the food worked and he was finally responding well. He was doing so much better that they even let me sleep overnight without the monitors. Thank God. There is no way I would have slept with them on. The nurses were going to come back in at 6 and my mom and I ended up talking until around 2. She stayed with me that night so Paco could be with Lilly at home.

6 am came. The monitors went back on. I was so tired which I realize was my own fault but still annoying. I was also just so uncomfortable with those things on my stomach. It was hard for them to pick up for some reason unless I was in the perfect position. Which was an awkward left side slant position. I was so sick of being on my left side and I was going numb from it that I just wanted to start doing jumping jacks. The nurse came in around 9:30. The doctor on call followed. I honestly haven't decided if her straightforwardness is appreciated or if I wish she was a little more subtle/gentle. She sat down, looked at me, and said we need to deliver the baby that same morning.

....

seriously ............

I must have had the most ridiculous dear in headlights expression ever. I don't even know how long it took me to respond or if my voice sounded as crackly as I think it must have. I just remember saying "okay". After it sunk in for the briefest of seconds and she could probably tell I needed a couple of minutes before I was physically able to speak she started explaining that the baby just wasn't responding like he needed to. They went into great lengths describing that even though he was 30 weeks and 2 days gestation he was only barely measuring 27. I should mention that I know for a fact he was in fact 30 weeks 2 days gestation. Given the circumstance I know pretty much the exact date of conception. Anyway, The umbilical cord and placenta weren't delivering the nutrients he needed because the pre-eclampsia was so restrictive. I failed him.

After they explained how much better he would be outside than in they left so I could call and get Paco back and to find someone to watch Lilly. I remember calling Paco and semi breaking down on the phone. He answered and I couldn't talk. He asked what was up and I couldn't talk. He asked me if everything was okay and I could finally choke out a very weak, crackly "no". I then realized that he could potentially jump to the worst of conclusions very quickly so instincts kicked in and since I was able to talk I explained that we needed to have someone watch Lilly because between 12pm and 1pm our son was going to be born.

I hung up and started to cry. I pulled it together long enough to realize that I needed to call my mother in law to let her know. There was no way that was going to happen. I dialed and gave the phone to my mom so she could break the news. Both Paco and I went to work to find someone to take Lilly. Thankfully my good friend Amanda came to the rescue. I knew that Lilly would just have a fantastic time with them and I am to this day so grateful for them. Next I called my brother and let him know. I asked if he would call my dad as well. Coincidentally he and my step mom were overseas and I said I would only call if something happened to me or I had to deliver. He said he was sure that wasn't going to happen. He pretty much knew instantly when the hotel phone rang that it wasn't a good thing. People don't make international phone calls to just say hello...

With everything set up and Paco back at the hospital they prepped me for my c-section. I drank the horrible anti-nausea shot and the anesthesiologist came in to give a run down of how things would work once were were in the OR. I remember trying to think of questions to ask but I just didn't know which ones. As I was wheeled to the OR I also remember wondering what other people in the hallway were thinking. I was in the pre-term labor side of the hospital where everyone who is trying desperately to avoid early delivery stays so it was fairly empty. To get from that end to the OR you have to cross the main doors and go down a hall near the other rooms. I know there were other new moms and dads and maybe one that was walking the halls waiting to give birth. lucky.

The amazing thing about this pregnancy vs Lilly's was the lack of urgency. Both of my births were emergent and needed to be done ASAP, but Lilly was done in a matter of 20 minutes or so after the c-section decision was made. This one was, for lack of better description, a slow emergency. He was "okay" in there but needed to come out. Looking back I think they were trying to be as calm as possible so as to not stress me out which would stress him out and because since he was so small they needed to take their time. We waited outside for a couple of minutes, then I got wheeled in. I sat on the edge of the table to get the epidural and actual made small talk with all the nurses. The anesthesiologist noticed my tattoo and said "hey, you've got a kite on your butt, whats that from" (note: it is not on my butt, its on my hip...) So I went into details which lead to where I went to school which was hilarious since the Iowa/Iowa State game was the next day. All of the nurses made this "oooohhhhh" in unison as they were scurrying around the room gathering equipment. They asked if I was sure I didn't want to switch loyalties quick before I went under the knife! I, of course, said heck no! and something to the effect of Go STATE! I will say the anesthesiologist was the best ever. He was just amazing. He comforted me the whole time, asked if I had questions, explained how things were progressing, etc. Besides he was hilarious. I really think he calmed me down or took my mind off of the fact that this time around I only made it through 3/4 of a pregnancy. The epidural took what felt like SO much longer than my previous one. It was obvious that it was planned to take longer to take effect than Lilly's also because I just slowly positioned myself on the table whereas with Lilly they all but threw me down to make sure I was here I needed to be before I couldn't move.

The sheet went up, the doctor came in, and then my mom was at my side. The anesthesiologist said that I would know if the epidural wasn't working because they had started. I keep saying it, but it really is amazing how much slower the whole thing went. I found out later that they needed to go slow and gentle. He was too small and breech. Instead of a double transverse incision (bikini line cut on both outside and uterus) they did a transverse on the outside and traditional (vertical) on the uterus. This way the Dr. was able to just lift him out instead of pulling. I also found out later that they removed him while still in the amniotic sack. My biggest regret, not that I could control it at all, is that we don't have a picture of him in that bubble. It took so long I kept asking what was going on and what was happening. Then I heard "The baby's out".

....... quiet (relatively speaking... there was lots of noise, but no answers or updates)......

I am pretty sure if you looked at the heart monitors mine was a flat line at this point. He was out. But no one said anything else. So I caught my breath, tears beginning to fill my eyes, and asked if he was okay.

...... still quiet.......

Again, I asked if he was okay. My mom distractedly said that they were "working on him" I remember simultaneously thinking and saying "what does that mean?" Finally there was the tiniest little squeak from across the room behind my blue sterile screen. Someone yelled out that he squeaked and asked if I heard it. barely. but I did hear it. My baby didn't cry. He squeaked. It was the happiest noise I think I have ever heard. Then I started to cry. I remember a blur of asking how he was while my mom squeezed my hand and I cried some more. He was stable enough that it was time for him to go upstairs to the NICU with his daddy and my mom.

The room was actually very calm after that point. I cried a little more and a few of the nurses asked how I was or if I was okay. The anesthesiologist just replied yes, that I was crying is all. I one again gathered my composure (not that I felt like I needed to, but you know.. what's the point of just lying there crying). Besides I had too many other emotions that were combating for their own time and expression. So another long drawn out time frame came. The nurses talked. The doctor had a conversation about how she didn't understand or believe that just because a new study comes out that we need to abandon our practices and start using the new one. The anesthesiologist asked more questions about various things and we just sat. Turns out they rushed the baby away so fast that they left a hemostat on the umbilical cord and we needed to wait to get it back before they could close me up. Had to make sure it wasn't IN me.

After that I was wheeled into recovery where my temperature was taken about every 5 seconds and I got my IV drugs hooked up. yay for magnesium sulfate again. Worlds worst drug. Was there for a while then off to my room. I was actually surprised to find Paco and my mom in the room waiting. I thought they would be upstairs still. The first thing they said was that he was just so small. A nurse came in and said congratulations on our baby boy. 2 pounds 2 ounces and 14 inches. It sounds small but you just have no idea until you see it.

Of course I didn't get to see it. The doctor decided that with my health I needed to wait until I was off the mag sulfate before I could go upstairs. At least 24 hours from the start of it. I wouldn't get to see my baby until the next afternoon. At least with Lilly they were able to bring her over and then they wheeled me up right after I was done in recovery. Paco showed me pictures and the only sign of his size was the nurses hand holding the cpap (forced air) over his tiny face.

Paco and I had not come anywhere near solidifying a name for our boy and everyone was asking. We took the next couple of days to think of it since it's not like he was going anywhere anytime soon and we wanted a good name. I re-read the names Paco or I had discarded in earlier months and looked through name books and searched online. Paco and my brother Mark actually had a great time laughing at suggestions found on the internet. Finally Paco said he didn't mind Edison. A name I had suggested before but he didn't like. We mulled it over for a day and decided nothing else was going to work. So, Edison Lee had a name.

Our little boy. Our tiny little baby boy Edison was born 10 weeks early. We were so lucky and fortunate that his existence was possible at all. The fact that the nurses kept telling us he was doing amazingly well was just a miracle. We knew we had a very long road of us but we got our little boy out safely and he is perfect.

I'll go into some detail on some of the major thing that happened over the 10 weeks he was in the NICU some other time. I think this is a long enough post for now.